Judging & Sinning

Everyone of us is a sinner with many different weaknesses. This is a plain truth that I know long ago. Yet, I couldn't help it that I often magnified those sins and weaknesses I see in those sharing the word or  just anyone that I think should be more spiritual than I do. Do not get me wrong, I am not expecting those people to be perfect and all holy moly. I just thought, they should behave more -decently or appropriately? I do not know the exact word for it. Maybe deep down inside me I just feel that they should be as close to being perfect and sinless as possible. I always wish to see perfection in them. I want to see them obeying the laws and every word. To set themselves as a good example for people like me. I expect a lot from those whom  I look up to. And each time I see their weaknesses, I judged. I feel bad after that but still can't seem to shake off those thoughts. 

I do not understand why God allow me to see them in their weaknesses. Isn't God afraid that they might stumble me with their actions? I could have taken it the wrong way- like perhaps, since God didn't discipline them and they are still doing very well in their lives, so I guess its okay to sin like that. I am not perfect. I sin everyday, I struggle daily with it. I fight, give up than gave in to my sins. Not exactly a good Christ ambassador and neither very glorifying as a child of God. I am very much confused at God. Is God closing an eye at their sins? 

No. My carnal eyes have asked me to see what all man sees. Man sees other's sin and judged. And when they share God's word, man disqualify them from sharing because of the sins they have committed whether in the past or present. But who are we to judge others when we are sinners ourselves? Please do not weigh the sins and justify it with our fallen mind and point fingers at those whom you think have committed a greater sin than you do, all these make no sense at all. There is no such thing as small sin or big sin. Stealing is not less sinful than committing murder or adultery. 

Our God is holy God, He does not tolerate sin. But He is also a merciful God and His grace far exceeds our sins. 

For sin shall no longer be your master,because you are not under the law,but under grace. 

Romans 6:14

Love covers all wrong 

Proverbs 10:12

I am sinning just like them but that didn't change God's love for me. He didn't disown me because of my weaknesses nor He is ashamed to call me His own. God still use me. Back to my question of being stumbled by them, no, I am not shaken at all. I didn't think its okay to sin. And other people's sin is not exactly my concern because I am not in any position to rebuke them. God will deal with them by Himself and I should keep my eyes on myself. Focus on my own repentance and stop judging.Most importantly, I realized that God allows me to see those weaknesses because He wants me to know that even with weaknesses one can still serve God. He doesn't demand perfection from us. Moreover, if the one sharing the word is "perfect" then those who are listening might feel inferior and  thinks that God only works in certain types of people- the educated, the rich, the beautiful, the intelligent, the sinless. If God had make it that way, then where do weak humans like me find comfort from? 

In conclusion we must learn to see how the love and grace of God is manifested in His servant and their weaknesses because 

this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him. John 9:3

John 4:13-14

Jesus answered , “ Everyone who drinks this water will be thirst again, but those whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

Jesus Christ is the spring of life, only He is able to quench the thirst of our spirit and satisfy it and to change every problem into blessings. The wellspring of Jesus is already in those who believe in Him. But the problem is do we allow the wellspring to flow continuously? What is this wellspring? This wellspring is like the Holy Spirit which needs to flow continuously. If it is stop ( stop hearing the word of God, the conviction of the Holy Spirit) we will eventually realize that our life would be dried up, we will feel as though we are lost. Our thoughts will also enter into disbelief, fearful, guilty, lacking, worried spirit and so on.

If a person does not allow the well spring to flow continuously, then Satan will come in to contaminate our thoughts, decision and etc then that person will start having doubts about his own identity. He will also misunderstand God’s words. When face with a problem, he will start to complain first and feel insecure. His spirit does not have the strength at all to face the daily challenges.

This is why sometimes believers feel fine for one minute then feel bad the next, or sometimes they  have the conviction but sometimes they don’t. This is because they do not maintain the continuous flow of the well spring.

To maintain the continuous flow, firstly, we must come before His throne of mercy with complete honesty. We should not hide ourselves. A lot of times, when we see our own weaknesses and sins, we feel extremely ashamed to face God followed by accusations, feeling guilty and unable to see His favour. Therefore, we are unable to come before God. When a person cannot face God, gradually he will develop misunderstanding in His words and later on he will be bounded by his own problems and does not have the strength to break free. What is the biggest area that Satan attacks in believer ? Satan makes us disobey God’s love in our relationship and His precious calling in us. So, do not be deceived by Satan. Our God is a merciful God, therefore He does not simply get angry even if He does His anger will not last. When we come before His throne of mercy with complete honesty, we will be able to hear His love and perfect will.

Secondly, in order to maintain the flow we must have confirmation. We must confirm that our lives belong to God, His love never changes, He will protect us and seek justice for us. When we have  a confirmed heart then only we are able to get rid of the fearful, worrisome and disbelief heart. Even though in our lives we  have struggles, hurts and conflicts but our God is the one who grants us peace. His peace is able to triumph over all the darkness. If we keep our fears within us then our decisions, view and thoughts will be shaken. But when we know God’s perfect timetable and His calling in us, then strength and courage will be upon us.

Thirdly, we must confirm the guidance of the Holy Spirit. If we do not confirm God’s daily guidance in every of our matter we won’t be able to keep up with the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit must first convict and guide us in the things we do. For example, if a person sees that the outcome of certain event is not very good and he starts to think of the solutions to solve it , then the power of the Holy Spirit cannot be shown fully. And in the end, it will only cause the person to be more stressed and disheartened. So do not rush before God but first we must confirm our blessed identity and His love for us and His calling in our lives. And use what we have confirmed to discover God’s perfect will in our problems and life. It is only through this that we can see the work of the Holy Spirit. This is what it meant by confirming the guidance of the Holy Spirit and continuously obey it.

So, the three points above is the mystery of maintaining the flow of the well spring. We have already have the eternal spring in our lives, when we drink from it we will never be thirsty anymore because we have tasted the love of Christ with His strength and victory. The most important thing is that we must allow the spring to flow continuously so that we can have joy and satisfaction forever. 

The Promise after Discipline

Our God is a Holy God, that's why He will definitely cleanse His people. Our God is also a merciful and loving God, therefore He will also save His people. When we (the people of God) sin, He will discipline us. His motive of disciplining us is to cleanse our hearts towards Him. Why does God allow the Israelites to be enslaved for 70 years, to endure all the oppression? Why is God so strict on His people? The holiness that God demands from His people is different from what the worldly people demands. Those people view holiness as good works, kindness, etc. But what God demands from His people is the same as what a husband demands from his wife -faithfulness. The same kind of faithfulness. God didn't only see the physical sin of His people but also their disbelief and unwillingness to rely on God ( they rely on the idols, the foreigners...). These are the sins of man and He is determined to remove it from them. 

When a person has the heart that purely loves God, he will posses all sorts of righteousness that far exceeds man's righteousness. However, when a man does not love God, he posses an evil heart.

So, God's discipline is a must. 

In the book of Jeremiah, God used the people of Babylon to discipline His people. In today's context, the Babylonians represent the powerful, wealthy, famous people in this world but they are only tools used by God. The people whom God loves is us, not those tools. So as soon as the heart of His people changes, He will punish the Babylonians ( the world). 

Jeremiah 50:18-20

18 This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: 

 I will punish the king of Babylon and his land as I punished the king of Assyria. 

Both Babylon and Assyria were destroyed and this is the truth.

Most importantly, we shouldn't harbor any grudges toward the people who did wrong to us. God will definitely resolve it. 

Secondly, God said the He will bring His people back to their own pasture. 

19 But I will bring Israel back to their own pasture verse, and they will graze on Carmel and Bashan; their appetite will be satisfied. 

It means that God wants to use His words to satisfy us. When we love the world and disobey God, we actually never feel satisfied. We chase after the worldly things that would only end up increasing our burdens. We always demand others of their love because we don't feel satisfied. We might have even gained a lot but those needs and desires don't seem to be satisfied. The only way for man to be truly satisfied is to be close to God's word. When a man cannot be satisfied or contented with God's word and unable to find joy in it, he can never be satisfied. The truth is there is no other things that can satisfy us. When the hearts of those who have been disciplined change to loving God's word again, they are protected. 

Lastly, God says that the Israelites will not have any sins anymore. 

20 In those days, at that time,'' declares the LORD, 'search will be made for Israel's guilt, but there will be none, and for the sins of Judah, but none will be found, for I will forgive the remnant I spare. 

What does this mean? Does it mean that we will never sin anymore?or we can do everything rightly from now on? No. It means that the people of God has got a heart of repentance. Those who realized that they are sinning and repent are without any sins anymore. On the other hand, if we still think that we are not wrong, then the sin remains. All those who are in Christ, we know our sins and are willing to repent so God sees us as without sin. 

And may we all see His greater love in His discipline.

When I first heard the message on Monday, I was a bit afraid. I know I have drifted away from God again and did many things which I am not supposed to. I was scared at the thought of being disciplined by God and I know He must discipline me because He is a righteous God. But when I restored the truth in me, I remembered the Fatherly love He has for me. Just like my dad, no matter how many times I hurt him, he will still forgive me. He knows that I feel bad  for uttering those hurtful words. So, He will add insult to injury by punishing me and say more hurtful things to me.  And in this message, I know how important it is to repent before God. It seems like the most natural thing to do for Christians but yet at times after I repent, the guilt still lingers in me and I feel as though that its not good enough. True enough that at times, there would be some consequences from our actions. 

But now I know that God sees me as without sin and I am protected when I truly repent. And again, its not about our works- what we can do to undo the mistakes or made it up by doing something extra. It's not karma. I thank God for the gift of Holy Spirit that would naturally prompt me to repent each time I sin and made be sensitive to sin. We have the desire to draw closer to God just that our flesh will try every way to stop us. We may get tempted and went to love the world for awhile but His love will always bring us back to Him. Even though that it may be through discipline at times but His grace and love will be suffice for us to go through it. Most importantly, His promise to us never changes. 

1 Samuel 16:17

Today is the first day of my last block. It means that after this block I will be sitting for my finals. And if everything goes well, I'll be a second year student in May. Well, just a quick update, I finally pass my test for the very first time. I wasn't too happy with it at first, not because I am ungrateful of the result. It it definitely beyond what I can possibly achieve on my own. I was just annoyed that  I have been praying about it for quite some time and didn't seem to get any answers. So I couldn't enjoy the happiness and joy of passing for the first time. By right I should be happier than a lot of people since I have been failing since the beginning. Well, I might as well say it out what I have been confirming. I really wasn't sure what I am expecting from God in order for me to really be convicted and sure of what I am have been praying for the past one month. You see, I do feel sad about not passing the past tests, being the very few who has been consistent in failing isn't really a good feeling. Even though I have His word with me, I still feel miserable and inferior at times.  And trust me, its really a helpless feeling that you wouldn't understand unless you have been in my shoes before. I hate the feeling being affected by it when something comes up but feel absolutely assured when everything is well. I want to be consistent in feeling assured.

Then one day, it hit me that my self esteem and confidence shouldn't be proportional to how well I do in my tests. I am a child of God and there is nothing to be inferior of. I shouldn't be too bothered about what people say behind my back nor feel stupid because I am ignored in the group. God will raise me up one day in His time. I am a Christ ambassador and surely He will not let others look down on His child. As I confirm day after day, I begin to have a clearer picture. So now, I am taking the passing as a sign that I have been confirming the right thing all these while. I was the only one who is concerned about my results, God's concern is never about how well or bad    I do. His only concern is in my relationship with me. God won't love me more just because I do better nor love me less just because I did badly. When I get our relationship right, everything else goes right too. 

The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

Last month, my sister moved to KL and I had mixed feelings about it. I was really uptight and worried because I feel that she is less independent, weaker, more emotional than I am. So, I thought I could prepare all the things I could for her. I thought I should help her get all the materials she might need for her course since she doesn't have a car here so transportation would be a problem. And I secretly prepared a friend for her just in case she needs help. I was more anxious and worried than her. 

Last two years when I was studying in PJ, I knew how inconvenient it was to have no transport. I know how it feels like to have meals all by yourself without any company. And how terrifying it is to be in a campus where you don't know anyone. The more I think of it, the scarier my imagination went. I thought since I went through all those situations that God put me in , I would be able to understand her needs therefore I should do what I can for her. I went overboard in my opinion. I got it all wrong. 

God didn't put me in those situations so that I can use my own experience to help her. God wants me to see how He has provided for me during those times. I remembered my first Physics lab, my friend and I didn't touch Physics since SPM so we are almost as good as clueless when it comes to the theory and all. I  was terrified at the thought of doing a Physics experiment after 2 years. God gave us so much grace that day, a lab assistant gave us the model that can be used straightaway (it was the sample used by the previous class). And we didn't have to set up anything, everyone has to look at ours so they could set up theirs. In that week itself, I had to go class alone and my fear turned to reality when we were asked to do a group discussion and I had no friends that time. God sent this course mate to ask to join them and from then on, I belonged to a group and we became good friends. And when I needed transport to class or to dinner, I have friends that I can ask for help. God prepared all these people around me to help me in times of need. God knows very well that I break down easily even at the smallest problem and how my fears empowered me sometimes. In the same way God has shown me His provisions, He will also do the same for my sister in His time and with His ways. Its time to let go and let God take charge and quit having unnecessary worries. In last week's sermon, it was mentioned that man loses peace because he fails to see that God is in control and that He allows the trials and situation we are in. And that was what I failed to see in the beginning - His provisions. 

God takes care of his own, even while they sleep Psalm 127:2