Monday, June 30, 2014

I Am Willing To Love The Lord, But Why Can I Not Bring About Affections?

I know it has been a long time since I blogged. This is just a short translation from a Q & A video between my pastor and a sister. A friend asked for the translation, so I might as well put it here too. Because who knows, someone out there might have the same question in their minds. The translation may not be that accurate. But better than nothing for those who can't understand Chinese at all. 

Pastor: What do you think? Do you think love is from affections/ feelings?
Sister: I am not sure. When we talk about love, normally we want to feel it and if I am lukewarm towards God , I feel that I don’t love God.
So this is the problem I want to solve here. We need to first ask ourselves, where does love comes from? And how do I know how much I love God?
Most of the time, we judge how much we love God through our feelings or emotions. But this is wrong.
Even though God gave us feelings but love does not come from there because feelings change easily.
God says I am the Truth and the Way. So first, I must know God. Through knowing Him, I develop a heart that loves Him.
If people were to ask me, ‘ Do you love your wife?’. I will say, of course I love my wife. But how do I know?
Because I know her and I formed a relationship from there. It’s not formed through emotions or feelings. When I live with my wife, sometimes I will feel angry at her, disappointed or no feelings at all. But I won’t give up my marriage just because I have such feelings because I know her. If she’s in danger, I will definitely protect her till the end. And this is love. And it is the same with our relationship with God.

It is love through knowing. My heart towards God is not always passionate and zealous but I will definitely follow Him till the end. Sometimes, when I hear certain things from God, I may not be able to accept or submit immediately, but I will struggle then I will submit.
There was a parable about a father who has a vineyard and 2 sons. He told his 2 sons to work in the vineyard. The first son said I will go, without hesitation and with full passion. But in the end, he didn’t go. The second son said, I will not go. But in the end, he went.  We can see through this, the second son really loves and obedient to his father.  Maybe, when he first heard the instruction from his father, he was feeling bored, tired, couldn’t find strength to do it. And his reaction shows rejection. But the heart that loves his father in him  makes him struggle inwardly for a while and he eventually did what he was told.
When our spirit continues to know God with foundation despite being in sufferings or in our weaknesses  and we begin to know Him more then love grows naturally. We will have the hunger for Him and a heart that is willing to follow Him.
This is a process through knowing, sufferings and repeatedly submitting to Him. Then Love is formed. 

This is the link to the full Q&A mp; A videos. And of course, it is in Chinese.

Sunday, January 5, 2014


I have many things to give thanks for last year. It was a tough year for me, but the truth is which year isn't tough and since when days on earth are ever easy. Few days ago, I thought about what I have done for God in 2013 but I was afraid to think any deeper because I felt that I haven't achieve anything, I don't remember any prayer topics I have for the previous year, I am still weak, still affected by many things and I am only reminded of the weaknesses in me that I have to bring forward to this year. The thought of it was depressing. I didn't really look forward to this year, I feel it will be the same, I am still me after all. 
When I feel all depressed,I was convicted that God was good to me last year. God have been faithfully answering every single of my prayer but I wasn't faithful in confirming therefore I don't remember much. As I quiet down, I finally remembered that in fact I did overcome (not completely) my OCD last year. For the benefit of those who do not know me, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I am not formally diagnosed but I do have a serious problem with hygiene. I cannot share food with people. I simply cannot accept sharing saliva with someone like sharing food from the same plate, I will not take food that have been touched by other's chopstick or spoon, whenever I eat with other people, I will either take all the food I need before everyone starts digging into the food with their chopsticks or I will help myself with just one serving from each dish, like I won't take second serving if it's already taken by others. 
So eating with others is a problem to me. Don't get me wrong, I like the time I spent with people around me and talking over meals. I enjoy it. But at the same time, it freaks me out badly especially after church meetings or outings  then I don't know where we will have our meal and I get our scared thinking that it could 'zhu char' where you ordered a few dishes and eat with rice. Some places have the common spoon on each dish, so it actually isn't a problem. But no, yea the spoon is there but most of the time people don't use it and I am the only one being concerned and uptight about it. In the West I supposed its not a problem, I am not sure if its a Chinese thing or Asians in particular, they simply do not mind having several chopsticks digging through the food and have several saliva specimens on it. 
So you might think well, its not really a big deal, I am just a little more concerned about hygiene than other people. Its not just that, I remembered once I went to a friend's place for dinner and only found out that it was steamboat few hours before we go and I have no time to prepare myself. I had panic attack and end up crying several times in the toilet. End up everyone use the sieve to scoop out their fish balls and etc. It was very troublesome for them. Nobody complained but I was disturbed by myself because I didn't want to trouble those people who have to eat with me, also its rude to take the food first when eating zhu char especially with older people. My church friends have been very understanding so far, it freaks me out when I have to eat with people I don't know or people who don't know I have such disorder. Its more of a spiritual problem. It affects myself the most because I am always terrified at eating with people, almost never failed to freak out at the thought of it and feel accused that I will stumble non believers- because Christians aren't supposed to cause so much inconvenience over trivial matters and of all things- eating. And normal people eat normally without much fuss. 
Back then I was actually quite proud of myself when I managed to influence my family members like my aunts to have a common spoon for every dishes. Last time, when I dined with them, I will go through the trouble of asking for extra spoons and put it in every dish. Fortunately, my aunts and cousins are all very cooperative and now whenever they eat with me, they will have the spoons ready. If they invite us for steamboat, due to the presence of other family members who we hardly eat together therefore they don't know my hygiene issue, my family end up having a separate pot for ourselves. And my cousins and sister also become more aware of the saliva issue. I feel terrific if you were to ask me. 
However, this is not something I should be proud of. What I unknowingly did is called the influence of sin. There is nothing wrong with eating using the common spoon, but it is wrong when it affects you so much that you have trouble eating with people and hinders you from having relationship with people because you become so anti-social that you only want to eat alone but at the same time you want their companionship and the joy of interacting at the dining tables without being too annoyed at whoever that is not using that common spoon or be watchful at which side of the fish or chicken that has been contaminated already by someone's fork. 
How can you enjoy yourself when you are so concerned on what is going on those few dishes?
The struggle in me has been great and I have become close friends with OCD- such hate and love relationships that only few can understand. 
I was in self denial but the problem was obvious. My 'friend' made me cry numerous times and I wished I could be normal, being carefree and joyful when I eat with people. I hate that part of me who is so obsessed with hygiene yet I couldn't let it go and sometimes I let it defined me for who I am. People associate me with OCD. I cannot bring myself to eat other's saliva, I feel extremely disgusted beyond words. To make things clear, its not about the germs that I am afraid of, the fear of having to eat contaminated food ( not dirty food, in my terms it means contaminated with saliva) is far greater than getting hepatitis B (which can be transmitted through saliva- sharing of food).
So, it doesn't help being told that all bacterias of any sort are killed in that boiling steambot or that fried chicken, its not the germs, its your saliva that is bothering me. 
I remember that there were quite a number of times I prayed to God that I can overcome this but there are also times I resent Him for making things hard for me, why must I change, why can't God just make everyone use that damn spoon. Why does it seem like no one else has this problem except for me, why me and the list goes on. 
God works amazingly I must say. I did try my best to eat the contaminated food but I just can't do it. It frustrate me and often bring me to tears. Its like you tried removing a curry stain on a white shirt and no matter how many times you scrub and rub, it just stays there like. 
But God heard my cries and slowly and unknowingly I take my baby steps, getting out of my comfort zone bit by bit. It started off by eating from the same plate (without using the common spoon) but I am still careful so I don't end up taking the contaminated area and only applies to solid, dry food, liquid like soup is not applicable. Then God pushed me further, so I ended up eating from the same pot of liquid but I still cannot take the soup so I will only eat the content. Its like each time I outdo myself and its not that scary after all.
And good news is I didn't die from any saliva contamination( its not like I don't know saliva is harmless). 
Anyway, just as I thought I have wasted one year, God reminded me that He never waste our time. And I know I wouldn't be able to do it without prayers and God Himself. I am not completely fine, I still will not eat food offered to me if it is touched by others nor will I eat from the same bowl, but I must say I freak out lesser now, I can bear with it more, I try not to watch over the dishes anymore. I feel more free now and I am thankful for God's works in me. There is nothing so difficult that it cannot be overcome with prayers, sometimes you just need a little more time, a little more faith.

The one who loves us gives us an overwhelming victory in all these difficulties.
Romans 8:37

ps: Forgive me for the lengthy post, there is so much to write on my OCD that I can't decide which details should be excluded. And to the grammar nazis, sorry I cannot proof read because I am too tired and anxious to post this. God bless!

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Be united and Rejoice in the Lord ( Everyday Emmanuel)

Philippians 4:1,4-7
Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends!
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

If anyone were to ask me what is God's most concerned of, the answer is His church. The unity of the church, the love among brethren and the strength gathered for evangelism. Even though there are many problems,a lot of challenges and weaknesses in the church but Paul still love the church very much but Jesus bought it with great price. Because of this Truth, Paul finds joy in the church. How do you view your church and brethren? We must see them with a thanksgiving heart more than their weakness. Because without them, there won't be God's church, without them we won't know how to grow in love since through love needs to undergo test.
In areas that we are unhappy about the church or brethren, we must learn to find God in it- His love, help and forgiveness. 
Paul pleaded the church that no matter what the circumstances is we must rely on God to rejoice always. If we are in pain now, I urge to to rely on God to rejoice. You do not rejoice through hypnotizing yourself or fake it. A rejoicing heart must come through relying on God. You must know how to rely on God. After knowing the Truth, we must think through and make decisions through the Truth in all things. Do not let it remain as a head knowledge and rely on your flesh. Do not focus on your problems, the Truth tells us that firstly, no matter what our circumstances are, our God is a living God. He is always with His children and there are no goodness that comes apart from Him.Regardless of the circumstances, God's help and guidance will also be present. Paul wrote this while he was in prison, even in such hardships he still managed to rejoice.
After knowing the Truth, we must seek His will in our circumstances. God is a living God and He will definitely help you. We must seek Him then obey, keep seeking and obeying. Do not let temptations, worries and hatred remain in your heart. Once you obeyed what He wants you to do, God will definitely tell you what is the next step.
However, if you depend on your flesh you will not have peace at this moment and you also won't be able to know what to do next.
In all situation, we must pray, seek and give thanks. In other words, through prayers we know His perfect will and give thanks to Him for revealing His will. When you communicate with God this way, the Holy Spirit will strengthened us, teach us and guide us. Then we will experience the peace from Him that transcends all understandings. When we know how to pray and seek His perfect will, one day we will be able to get out of our problems.
Everyday Emmanuel (23/12/13)

Monday, December 9, 2013

How to Eliminate the Spirit of Accusation ? ( Everyday Emmanuel)

Holy Spirit lives in those who believes in Christ Jesus. If we have the heart to seek God, Holy Spirit will definitely instruct us what we should do. But why do we sometimes fall into the state of accusation?
The accusing spirit cause us to lose to our freedom, gives us a slave mindset and feel oppressed. 
Romans 8: 15
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, " Abba, Father."
2 Corinthians 3:17 
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
We are living in the visible world but at the same time there is also the spiritual realm. We get accused because in the spiritual realm, the accuser influences our spirit. If we live by His will and make God as the center of our focus then we will not get accused so easily.
How can a person get into a state of accusation? 
1. He has sinned. So, Satan will keep bringing his sin before God and keep accusing him. 
2. Because of self righteous and do not live in Jesus's righteousness. Therefore, he loses his grace.
3. When someone commits a small sin, he didn't cleanse himself immediately but let the sins accumulate in him then slowly he loses his strength to fight sin. 
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 
When man is accused, they feel that they didn't do what they should do but kept doing what they shouldn't do. Or they feel that they did not obey God's therefore God do not love them anymore. In short, their spirit has lost the covenant and love of God and do not believe His promises. Their thoughts are all about what they have done wrong, their relationship with God is broken so they are unable to come before God. But actually all these are not in line with the Truth. 
Of course, no one who likes to stay in such state. God Himself is more concerned of seeing us being set free from such state. 
In order to eliminate the spirit of accusation, we must
1) Use the blood of Christ, only through it we can restore the spirit of sonship
There are some sins that we might not be able to overcome  immediately but we need a willingly heart that will turn to God, so do not hardened your heart before God and ask God for a broken and contrite heart. 
When we repent before God, the accusing spirit will leave us. Satan can no longer accuse us.
2) God's truth must be exalted in our hearts- this means that God's words must be sovereign in our hearts
We cannot add or remove anything in the gospel. If we hold onto our feelings, inabilities, limitations, problems more than the word of God, then it will prevent us from relying on God completely. 
Therefore we need to confirm the Truth in our hearts until it can overcome all the obstructions that prevent us from going to God. 
3) After knowing His will, we must acknowledge it because it is the answer from God
If after praying we still do not have peace, it could be because what we pray for is different from what God wants to reveal to us. Even so, do not stop going to God but instead remain humble and pray for a right direction. 
4) Lastly, obey God and stop remaining in the accused state. 
Keep examining the state of our spirit and be sensitive to the convictions of the Holy Spirit. The convictions will be more obvious after we have understood and accept the Truth ( His covenant). Then be humble in obeying God and receive strength from Him through submission. 

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

How to develop sweet relationship with God ( Everyday Emmanuel)

God is with His children everyday. And this is the relationship that will lasts forever. Even thought all of our conditions and timetables are different but as long as we are willing to draw near to God, He will draw close to us too. So, the purpose of our lives is to establish such a relationship.
John 6:51,56
I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.
Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them.
The cross actually restores our relationship with the Father.
John 15:5,12
" I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
The verse shows that God is with us and is also talking about relationships.
My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
Jesus asked his disciples to love one another and this is also a form of relationship.
1. Our Father is most concerned of relationships
So, Satan likes to attack our relationships, cause us to forget about the relationship hence unable to receive love from God. Man became afraid of God, fear of getting bad luck and disciplines and have slave mentality. Slowly, it will be hard for man to not look down on himself and became unable to accept the love of God. Man to man's relationships will also be broken. God came to find us first and died on the cross for us , so after believing in Him, our relationships are restored.
2. After reconciliation with God through Jesus, we must restore the relationship.
How to restore this relationship? Through prayers- confirmation prayer. In prayer, we must restore our relationship with God, man and ourselves. We are all blessed. When we have to deal with a difficult situation, we must remember that our Father will not abandon us like orphans. When we encounter a problem or in our weaknesses, we must look back into the Bible that said God still love the prostitute and the adulterous woman.
So, we must not look down on ourselves. God loves all the sheep that belongs to Him. If when we pray, we discover things that are not in line with the Truth of us as the child of God, we must quickly remove it. For instance, if you fear God , it is the wrong spirit or when you have done something wrong and is afraid to face God, feel accused and worried when we didn't pray because we fear having bad luck or when we keep looking at outcomes, we will be afraid of failures, if we are not diligent enough in serving, we are afraid that God will not bless us.
We must be sure that out of the love of God, when we have done something wrong, He will discipline us but His anger will not last and He will definitely forgive us. If we did not pray, God will use whatever situation to prompt us into prayer, so it is never about having bad luck.
The relationship we have with God is all about love and there's no fear. When we have restored our relationship with Him, then through His love, our relationship with men will also be reconciled. The main content of prayer is to build His kingdom, benefit His people,glorify and testify for Him. With this in our prayer, there's no need to fear.
3. Lastly, we must develop this relationship.
The best time to do so is during trials,tribulations and weaknesses. Trials and attacks happen because our relationship with God is too important. In temptations, we must realize that it is not real and temporary only. We must keep in mind that being able to fill with God's words will enable us to triumph over our situation. Being away from God is scarier than committing sin, therefore we must confess our sins and asked to be cleanse by Him. When we judge and get angry at others, at the same time we must know that actually we are also weak in many areas. Since God can forgive us, why can't we forgive others of their sins?
Therefore, we must treat every trial as an experience from God and He has a perfect answers for us in it. Whenever situation we are in, we must first come before His throne of mercy, reassure our relationship, discover His will and believe that the problem is already solved by Him and we will see our fruits.
Prayer is not a duty but rather it is for us to find out His perfect will. We will not be happy just merely getting our problems solved, but true joy comes from knowing His answers.

Monday, December 2, 2013

How To Overcome Your Great Difficulties ( Everyday Emmanuel)

In our Christian lives,we often encounter some difficulties for example, we feel like a failure, timid, disobedient, weak, have many problems so how then can we build His kingdom and benefit His people
with such conditions? These thoughts make us feel helpless and stop us from moving forward with God and make us. This happens because we are still focus on not being able to do what we should be doing. Paul who was greatly used by God also have similar experience. 
Romans 7 :18 
For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out
Romans 7: 24
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death. 
So then, I myself in my mind am slave to God's law, but my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.
Paul has understood the greatest mystery of the cross.
Romans 8:1
Therefore, there is no more condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. We must learn to receive the unmovable love and covenant from Jesus so that we can have a heart that is not accused, not afraid of failure and without pressure or stress. Then with this heart we can rely on the Holy Spirit to carry out God's good works.
1. We must ask ourselves, why are we always unable the great difficulties?
We must understand that our hearts have been receiving insinuation. For example, what I am doing now is not God's will so I will not receive His blessings,  I do not have any abilities to do what God wants me to do or feel that the situation we are in is extraordinarily unpleasant and its not that easy to be solved. These insinuation cause us to worry and unable to concentrate in our daily lives. Slowly, we will lose our sight on the covenant and love and start to react according to feelings. The deceiving thoughts will make us hide from God and men. 
2. It is only through Holy Spirit that will help us overcome the difficulties
Then how to rely on Holy Spirit. We must always remember that all great difficulties do not come from the situation we are in but rather its from our heart because we have not receive answers. Answers come from making a covenant with God. The covenant and love from Jesus is never changing. No matter how difficult a situation may be, God's word will not fade away. When we seek Him through His covenant , we will definitely know His will. 
Directional will: All our conditions,problems and  past are for the Kingdom. Without any problems we won't be able to understand His salvation for us and to testify for Him. 
Perfect timetable: Some trials require time and process in order to mature our faith and He is preparing something better for us. So do not be disheartened. 
God's will in our condition:  Sometimes we experience things that are unpleasant so that it drives us into prayer. 
After we make covenant with God in such manner, and discover His will in everything then we will be able to overcome the difficulties we have.
3. All things are possible through the Holy Spirit
How? We must hold on to his love and the 4 Gospelization and make it our perspective everyday in order for us to die to ourselves. The death and resurrection of Christ has show us the power of the cross. In Jesus, there are no difficulties. No matter how difficult a situation is, we must learn from the Holy Spirit to not be accused. Learn the perfect will of God in our everyday living.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

The Sweetness of True Repentance (Everyday Emmanuel)

Many people have misunderstanding on repentance,they do not like to hear about repentance and find it hard to repent. They thought repentance is about feeling guilty or apologizing to God. True repentance is actually the sweetest thing that can happen in your life. When we are exhausted in our life problems, true repentance help us to gain strength from God's throne to move on with our lives. 
True repentance is simple terms meaning turning to the Truth of God. It is  a restoration of a believing spirit through believing in every word of God. True repentance is the changing from a disbelief spirit into a believing spirit.For example, if I repent from stealing it doesn't mean I just stopped stealing only. This is because I may fall into a different kind of sin. True repentance happens when I truly believe that God is the only provider and I feel satisfied in my spirit then slowly I hate stealing.When this happens, you faith will grow and your relationship with God too.
Psalm 103:2-5
Praise the Lord,my soul, 
and forget not all his benefits
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems you life from the pit 
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things 
so that your youth is renewed like eagle's.


David's repentance is going back to His benefit and be satisfied with God's love and compassion. This is the sweetest true repentance. But Satan always stop us from repenting. How does he stop us?

1.What obstruct us from true repentance?

You think that God won't forgive you 

Because you believed so, therefore you remain in accusations. But God says, when we acknowledge our own struggle or weakness, it means that we are also acknowledging our disbelief. He will forgive all our sins and heals us.
You think that God don't understand what you are going through or needs
You believed that therefore you do not believe that whatever God has given you its the best. What you can see is only your failures, problems and weaknesses. 
You do not believe God has His own timetable
That's why you remain disheartened and hopeless.
2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is slow in keeping his promise, just as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone come to repentance.
The timetable of God is not up yet because He wants us to quickly repent so we do not remain in accusation.
You think that you can wait and things will get better
What you fail to see its that God is actually equipping us so that we will be used by Him in the future.

2. What is True repentance?
When we struggle in our spirit not because you have fall short of the standard and expectations of the men but have fall short of what God said. Our spirit is related to the word of God. For example, God ask me to love my brethren but even though I have done nothing wrong to them but because I cannot love them that's why I struggle in my spirit. So if our lifestyle, habits and decisions are not in syn with God's word then we will definitely have struggle. And we must acknowledge this struggle.
After that you realize you have no choice but to believe. Obedience is about believing and not about you being able to do so much. 
Then you nail that flesh of yours- you do not satisfy your flesh by not giving in to it. For example, I have influenced by the drama series, no matter how I have tried I still cannot stop watching it. It is only through believing His promise. His promise tells me that I will be used by Him, then it generates an inner strength so I do not want to be influenced anymore by the drama. Then keep confirming and believing, the influence will then slowly reduced.

3.We need to know that we cannot keep hypnotizing ourselves not to worry about the problems. When we do this, the problem will still remain. It is only through confirming and believing every word of God and all His attributes. Then even though the situation does not change but we will realize that all things work for the good to them that love God.
In situation we are put in is for us to experience the wide, long, high and deep of His love If there are areas in our lives that we are still struggling, we must learn to turn to, believe and confirm His promise. 

Here is the link