Philippians 1:6

I guess I have been pretty laid back for these couple of weeks, with so many things happening, I just couldn't find the time to blog or rather the conviction . My sincere apology to you, if you've been waiting for me to come up with a post. I drafted many posts before this, but I don't know why, all doesn't seem good enough to be read- I don't even feel like reading it, so I don't want to insult anyone in this manner. 

Well, its the second week of the second block for this semester. I got my first test result about a week ago. I failed. I got 37/100. Don't be surprised that I wasn't sad at all, not even a bit. I expected myself to fail based on my last minute revision and how much I have covered the syllabus, it will shake the entire campus if I pass. Even my mum was surprised that I didn't cry. I am not sure how those who failed have reacted, but I thanked God for the peace and assurance. I remembered that few days before I sat for my test, I felt fine not being to perform my best, felt fine that I only managed to revise about 15%. Its just that I felt so peaceful, knowing that everything is in His plan and there's more than just pass a test. Its not because it contributes only 7.5% for finals, not because its a norm to have high casualties for the first test. Its because you know this is not everything, Medicine is not everything. 

You will know how I feel when you have the chance to experience it yourself. Its not the peace that the world gives but from the one who created the universe and me.

I guess it was probably because I just came back from the Remnant Conference that time, so my heart was really convicted. A sister told me that Medicine is just a tool God uses to mold me and help me overcome my weaknesses. Along the way, I will learn how to rely on Him, be entirely submissive and to grow spiritually.

I mean, its hard for a person like me who tend to feel small and intimidated so easily to be doing such a competitive course with so many smart people. Did I even mention that I get stomachache upon hearing my  course mate's name because I feel so stressed? I mean literally.  It really did kill me when every single term seems so foreign to me and when your course mates could easily answer the tutorial questions when many claimed that they didn't study and you thought it was such a comfort that you're not alone but then you get the harsh truth that you are alone when it comes to not knowing anything. That by far was the most shitty (excuse my language) feeling ever.

These five years are going to be really exciting because this is the time where my relationship with Him will get closer, my faith will get strengthened and I will witness how His love for me will be magnified. I don't mean that I am not going to feel inferior and stress from now, but I am assured because

being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6 

A sister gave me two prayer topics during the Remnant Conference and I am very happy with it. I don't think I am ready to share it with anyone yet but I can only say that I am very happy. I'm thrilled knowing that its exactly what God wants me to pray about. I received so much from the camp that it just makes me smile each time I think of it. Its the joy from God and only His that will be able to put a smile on me from now on.I wish that you can feel the joy within me and share my passion for Him. God bless!

ps: Future updates on this blog will not be announced on Facebook anymore. I believe that God will convict those whom he wants to convict to read my blog, those previous announcements are merely for introductory purpose.